depression

oh GAWD!

Closing a show is a very, very hard thing to do! I feel like a lot of people don't understand this. It is soooooooo much worse when you are the director - the play has been your ENTIRE life for months on end and then it is over. You have nothing to fill your time and you feel completely worthless. It is like a really terrible breakup - all the more true for me because I am married to the theater.

Some plays don't really matter all that much. The closing can pass almost unnoticed. If it was short-lived or unchallenging or whatever, you might even be glad to see it end. Others KILL you. When Footloose ended, I sunk into a deep depression that lasted the entire summer. I couldn't sleep and I cried all the time. Part of that was that school had just ended and I had to move back home, so not only did I lose the play but I also lost my social life and all my recently gained independence. Very unfair.

Cabaret closed 2 days ago and so im not very happy right now, to put it mildly. Coming home last night at 8pm was like a walk of death - i should NEVER be home at that time of day. I should be rehearsing. UGHHHHHHHH. this sucks. I hate going through this - it almost makes it not worth it. almost