The Fair

I haven't been to the State Fair since the age of 7 or so. The last time I went, Kellie and I went down the big slide about 10,000 times and we called it a day.

This year I went with Jon Todd and it was a ton of fun. I got a whole menagerie of stuffed animals including a GIANT jellyfish that now hangs from my cieling. Plus I saw lots of freaks and ate wierd shit. That's the whole point, right? In spite of how much fun it was, I came to realize how symbolic the Fair is of what is wrong with America. Let's start with the most obvious:

FRIED CANDY BARS: ok, I'll admit: it was the single most delicious thing I have ever put in my mouth. but COME ON! To take an item of food that is already chock full of fat, calories, and other things bad for you and then deep fry it is CRAZY. I can't even imagine how many calories are in that or how that one thing affected my health. Only in America would someone have the bright idea to fry candy. And he's really a genius - the many obese people suffocating me at the fair would attest to that

SEE FREAKS FOR $1: From the tiniest woman in the world (who is as wide as she is tall. no lie) to the lady with a snake body, you can see craziness for the low price of $1. This was fun while I looked at the tiniest horse and largest snake, but when I went to see the Tiniest lady, the fun was gone. Staring at a person is very different. I felt really crummy for paying to see her and uncomfortable looking at her. Now she signed on for this, true. And she probably makes a ton of money for sitting in a booth all day. But I felt very silly

PAY A MILLION DOLLARS FOR A STUFFED ANIMAL: the competative nature of Americans is what makes us the number one country in the world. But when you are able to convince people to pay for an absurd amount of opportunities to win something they really don't even want, you know people are dumb. I mean, i did it too! I payed to pop a million balloons so that I could have a stuffed skunk. I don't even like stuffed animals!!! I don't own a single one. But there were lots of people trunking around the fair with giant prizes and I had to be the one with the most. That's the way i am. Thank god Jon won me that jellyfish. Otherwise I would have gone broke trying to get it myself! But I had to walk around the entire Fair with an armful of stuffed animals and now that I'm home, what do I do with them? Really what function do they serve???

So that's all. I had a wonderful time but I am sad for America. And myself :)