20/20 Vision

in 20 days I turn 20 years old

SCARY!

i have said before how terrified I am of this mile marker. Not that Im afraid of being old or lame with wrinkles or whatever, I just dont want the burden of reponsibility. Now i DO consider myself responsible, but everything is relative. Compared to other teenagers, I am. But in your 20s, people expect you to put your life together: career, spouse, children. It all starts in THIS decade.

I have spent my life wishing to be older than I was. When I was in first grade, my teacher commented to my mother that I was strangely fascinated by the 3rd grades. At 13, I wanted to be 16. At 16, 18 was ideal. Now I am turning an age that I don't want to be and it's a strange, sad feeling.

To make thing oh-so-much worse, my swim lesson kiddies believe that I am 30. Now I am not talking about the 4 and 5 year olds. They don't have a concept of age and many of them ask me about my husband and children and think I am just as old as their mom. That has never bothered me. But earlier in the week these two girls (who are about 9 or 10 - old enough to know) were giggling and whispering. They finally asked me my age and I told them. They were AMAZED! Apparently they had decided that I was 29 or 30. The lifeguards could barely console me. But I decided that maybe they are dumb. In fact, they are. So I started asking my other children. The consensus was the SAME everywhere. All these children thought that I was between 28-35. WHAT?!?!

so maybe I should just tell people i AM 30. After all, I would rather look damn good for my age than really bad. Cuz like responsibility, looks are relative. You don't look any different based on your age number, you either look "good for your age" or "bad for your age." This is why women who lie about their age are stupid.

I am 20, wishing I was 18, looking like I'm 30. THAT IS SOOOOO SAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!